A few months ago, whilst pursuing the interwebs, I happened upon a most disturbing article.
Some hair-brained, coo-coo bird had listed the top ten things NOT to buy for your baby. According to her. They included: wipe warmers( no argument there- my little guy never recoiled from a freezing wipe), diaper bags( alright, I can see this, use any old bag) and changing tables( yeah, I bought a dresser and attached a changing pad to the top, thereby leaving me a normal piece of furniture when I stopped using it), but then, she lost all credibility. There in her list, was hands down the greatest thing since sliced bread. Literally. I think they proved it in some lab in Switzerland, if I remember correctly.
The Video Monitor.
OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T.
I love me a Bjorn. Carried my son in it most of everyday for months. Soothie pacifiers? Saves my tail twelve times a day. But nothing, nothing has been so helpful, so assuring, so visible, as my video/audio baby monitor.
That very afternoon, with my fist clenched and raised to the sky, I swore that I…. Would….. …Never…… Go…… Hungry…..Nope, no, that’s Gone With The Wind. I swore that one day, I would write a blog and I would tell the Mothers of the World the glory of the video monitor.
Well, that day has come.
If you have a child/children and you don’t already have one, you soon will. If you are pregnant and expecting, go get one now!
You can SEE your baby. While he is in another room! I don’t know about you, but the specter of SIDS has haunted me. Seeing him, with my eyes, as he naps is so reassuring. It’s prevented at least four panic attacks.
But, how could you tell that he was breathing, you might be asking?
Because Video Monitors give you Terminator Vision.
That’s right. I’ve looked so hard, for so long, at my sleeping son on the monitor screen, I can see his belly moving up and down. I really can.
Subject breathing. Subject is alive.
I can also totally spot his pacifiers at night, which are somewhat translucent( so how impressive is that), and have intervened before lack of pacifier causes sleep-destroying fussiness. This skill comes in very handy. But how is this possible at night? Because the video monitor has Night Vision!
Did you spot the Soothie? I did. Terminator Vision.
The video monitor prevents many sleep-wreckers. Here, you see that my boy is asleep, clutching his bottle almost upside down onto his neck. My Terminator skills alert me that the bottle is almost full. No video monitor, you know what would happen? A crying, wet, awake baby.
Night vision is the best!…….. but it does have a couple of drawbacks. There is a somewhat Paranormal Activity kinda feel to it at times. Like here, when the baby has glowing demon eyes.
Thanks to my video monitor, I know when he is sleeping.
I know when he’s awake.
I know when he is naughty.
I’ve seen him pull a blanket over his face and get stuck under it. He sleeps in a sleeping bag now.
I’ve seen him fall asleep with his foot stuck between the bars of his crib. Wake-up alert! Wake-up averted.
There’s just one other little thing you might not love about the video monitor. Sometimes you’ll glance at the screen and see this, for example.
Not thirty seconds later, you glance back and see this.
The way I like to look at it, the poltergeists are here to help us.
Here’s the thing, video monitors are not cheap, I know, but I have a solution. Save your money by not buying any of these type products.
Your child would much rather play with these, anyway.
The Verdict: That lady was nuts! Get a video monitor! If I was Oprah, YOU’D get a new video monitor! And YOU’D get a new video monitor! And YOU’D get a new video monitor!
* Ignore last weeks warning to disregard my advice, you should really heed everything I say.