Headed out last week on a roughly eight hour car trip from Maine to NYC. With our child. That’s the boy who just turned one? The child who won’t sit still on my lap for eleven seconds? The baby who resists diaper changes/clothing changes, sitting in his highchair, being held on my hip, and every and any other activity that keeps him from frantically bing-boinging around my home all damn day? Yeah, that child. For eight goddamn hours.
It was not the first time we’ve made the trip with him, but it was the first time since he’s become mobile. And to be fair to my little guy, he really is a good traveler- we’ve taken him on two ten hour flights, and he did amazingly well. Certainly, some fussing and restlessness is to be expected. I’m not saying that the real problem might just be me, but yeah, the real problem is me.
I have a little issue with Easygoing. Easygoing and I have a bone to pick. Easygoing is all, ” Heyyyyy, relaaaaax. It will all be okay. You don’t need to stressssss, dude.” And I’m all like, ” Shut up, Easygoing.” And then I take a Xanax.
But the schedule, people. The schedule. I don’t want to freak anybody out or anything, but did you know that if your child gets thrown from his nap/bedtime schedule the earth will crack apart at the seams? Yeah. It’s that serious. So cut me some slack for being a little OCD on the trip.
Getting Ready To Go
It’s crucial that your manic state of mind doesn’t affect the child. Make sure he is in a terrific mood!
This one’s simple: Bring everything you own.
Oh, what? You don’t think you’ll need those heirloom lace doilies your grandmother gave you? Think again. You’ll need them. Also, buy all kinds of extra stuff like a new Pack and Play just for the trip and other really necessary things like that.
Bonus Trip Tip
Hey, you know what’s a really keen idea? Get all fixated on the notion that your still under twenty pound baby MUST be moved from his infant seat before the trip. For safety sake! And then, replace the baby’s infant car seat with his new convertible one, the day before the trip, without ever having tested it out. It’s guaranteed NOT to be uncomfortably too big for the child or have a weird, evil fabric that makes him boiling hot so you have to keep turning on the AC despite the fact that’s it’s fricking winter outside, because he’s sweating all over the place. Nope, won’t happen. Eight hours.
It’s so shiny and new!
On The Road
If you can, bring help.
Look back obsessively at your child. God knows what might happen if you don’t.
You’ll have to use these icky changing stations in the rest stop bathroom, because you packed everything you own and have no available space in your much cleaner car.
The blowers are handy though, for the sweat and pee stains. Make sure to not have Bride of Sasquatch hair.
Introduce your precious child to McDonalds. What the hell, with medical advances he’s going to live to be a hundred and thirty-three anyway.
This might happen….
Vigorously wash hands!
Arrive at destination. Appear relaxed and urban.
It’s doable. You can do it. Might be fun too.
* No disclaimer should be necessary this week. I’m the lady that let her baby crawl on the floor of a McDonalds. You really shouldn’t be paying any attention to my advice.