On Blogging: Search Engine Shenanigans

Ah, blogging.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

This week I’m re-gifting to you lucky folks!  That’s how I roll.

So, here’s the thing:  The Bangor Daily News, for whom I have so generously donated my over-sharing abilities, provides me with a kind of blog ‘ Operations Base’.  I have a “Dashboard” and a “Jetpack”.  Through these, I get all kinds of really helpful and interesting tidbits about my blog, like the daily pageviews, the monthly pageviews, the average pageviews a day etc….  Also, I can see from what links, such as someone else’s blog, or the newspaper or FB, readers have clicked into my posts.  It’s cool.  It’s useful.

Then there’s the “Search Engine Terms” list.

This list shows the exact words, or, rambling mash of insanity, that lunati……er, people typed into Google or Yahoo, that somehow called up my blog, and brought me a new reader- well, for a minute or two…

Now, most of the search engine terms are directly related to my blog- topics like breastfeeding and “cry it out”, for example. The typer is clearly looking for 6:30 and a Glass of Wine.  But, here and there, or almost everyday, I get a doozy.  One of my all time favorites was, ” ritz carleton laguana john travolta”.  Or ” hairy chested russian men” ( um, sorry about that, husband).

Unfortunately, I can’t go back to previous months, where the greatest, or scariest examples reside. But…

The following is a sampling of some of March’s Hall of Fame search engine terms. Enjoy….

Just this morning:

The issue for me with this is, do I worry that this poor woman is living with a demon (!!), or that she thinks I can help?  Um….am I supposed to help?

Here’s a typical day:

This is a favorite because it affirms that I OWN 6:30!  It’s mine.  You can’t even think about that hour without thinking of me.  Go ahead try it…………………….See!   I totally popped into your head, didn’t I? Victory!

I also can’t help but giggle imagining that poor, freaked out mom, home alone, glancing nervously at her video monitor- did she just see that doll move?  It did!  Did it?  Did the baby just open her eyes and stare at the camera?  She slowly reaches for her laptop, starts typing, never taking her eyes off the screen.  AH!  What was that shadow?  There was totally a shadow….

 

Are you noticing a trend?

Evil kids?  Demon husbands?  Haunted baby monitors?  Is this my legacy?

Awesome.

( and p.s. Mr. Somewhere Out There, I promise I won’t tell your wife that you were online desperately trying to find ways to spend less time with her.  I’ll tell her you were looking at porn.)

Oh, bring it on…..

This sometimes happens…

Oh God!!  Get it out of my head!!  I can’t unread that!  I can NEVER UNREAD THAT!

 

Floor flopping…? Say what now?

Oh, Internets, you keep me young.

Isn’t it fun? To add to the hilarity, I’m giving away a GRAND PRIZE* to the reader who can type the wackiest thing in their search engine and bring up the link to 6:30 and a Glass of Wine!  The proof will be on my trusty “jetpack”.

Let’s see how creative you can be- just think of some terms I’ve used, or subject matter, then dig deep into the most unstable part of yourself.  Put it all together- it will be magic.

 

* I’m lying, I’m not giving a prize.

 

 

 

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Heather Bogolyubova

About Heather Bogolyubova

Heather Bogolyubova has an un-pronouncable last name. A Maine native, she's returned to the Pine Tree state after several years in New York. Now, she's a newlywed, has a new baby, a new job, and lots of fancy shoes she can never wear in the snow. The job: Stay-at- home mother and wife. Its hard. She's going to tell you all.