This morning I started my period again. I’m two days out from my last official day of breastfeeding. Things are moving along nicely back towards ..normalcy. Soon I can Botox again, and whiten my teeth. I can wear any shirt with any bra and not take ‘feedability’ into account. I can enjoy a cocktail. I can have two.
The baby has begun to sleep a portion of the night in his crib and so with all this in mind, I began to snap pictures of some of his gear to sell on a local community barter and swap site. I’ve dreamed of this day since my firstborn was a baby. I LOVE getting rid of stuff. De-cluttering is a kind of religion with me, and I started the task with a bit of a skip in my step. I positioned the bassinet by the window for good light and took the picture. Then I walked away.
I stopped before I left the room and I looked back at the bassinet.
I don’t feel done.
I can’t imagine a life that doesn’t include another round with the bassinet.
And the swing, and the carriers. The blankets and the bottles. The piles of clean cloths waiting for their turn in the diaper bag.
I’m not done, but I don’t think I can do it again.
So what do I do?