I can remember the exact moment it hit me. Baby Leo was days old, it was our second morning home from the hospital. He woke to nurse around four and just before five, desperately tired, I laid down and closed my eyes. For three seconds.
” Mama “.
Luka, wide awake, standing at my bedside. My other child.
That’s when I knew: this is going to suck.
And suck it did for a good long time, those early months of having another kid. The nights were the worst- one kid nursing, one having a nightmare, one calls me to go pee, one wakes up to eat, one can’t find his pacifier( yes, he still uses it), one is just crying for reasons that God himself couldn’t soothe… On and on and on. I’d get butterflies in my stomach when I’d lay down to sleep, fearful of what lie ahead for me, of how awful the night was going to be. I knew it would be awful, but how awful?
The days were somewhat better, though I often felt like an accident victim regaining basic skills. How do I get them both in and out of the car? How to grocery shop with two of them? How will we all get dressed every day? How do I cook dinner and nurse this insatiable
beast baby? Add my swirling hormones to that and I had myself a regular ‘rough patch’ as they say. Oh, you should have seen the melodrama I spewed all over the place on the Fourth of July, crazed because the baby was howling AND Luka was whining as we made our way down Main St. to the picnic grounds. Forget it! This is impossible! I can’t do anything, I shrieked, and then spent most of the day sulking and pitying myself.
Holy Adjustment, Batman.
I would often think of the mothers I’ve met who told me that in their experience, it was going from zero to having a child that was really rough and after that it was all the same.
I thought I’d said goodbye to my dignity the first time I had a bowel movement with a baby strapped to my chest, but it wasn’t until I was doubled over with crippling diarrhea, an eight month old scratching at my shins and a three year old staring at me with his hands on my knees that I knew it was really good and dead.
That’s where I’ve been folks. Reeling from two kid-itis. Catching my breath and figuring it all out. Mostly I have, the basics that is. Getting us all in and out of the car, making sure everyone has socks on, keeping us all clean… My sleep and schedule nazism has come in super handy here as I’m happy to report we now have regularly coordinated naps. The truth is I was still marveling at the fact of having one child and now there are two. Two! I still find it amazing that I have these two boys, and I’m in heaven. Tired, yes. Very cranky, often. But so thoroughly in love with them and ready to over-share it all again.